The Prison Diary
by TriumphV8
Summary: Set during HBP. Lucius is in Azkaban and keeps a diary of his time there.
1. Arriving at Azkaban

After being caught as a Death Eater at the Department of Mysteries, Lucius Malfoy presumed his life over. He knew no matter how he pleaded at his hearing, he'd be sent to Azkaban to serve a stint in the infamous Wizarding prison and when he emerged a free man the world would no long hold him in any regard.

Lucius had not wanted to return to the Dark Lord and had joined as a idiotic young man, fooled into believing the Dark Lord could provide his followers with the power and glory they so desperately craved. Most importantly, he had promised to limit the intake of dirty blood into the Wizarding world. The dirty blood that was slowly diluting the pure society that had existed for centuries. Now, here he was entering the harsh world of Azkaban. A world that an aristocrat like Lucius was hardly equipped to cope in, he hadn't even been allowed to muddy his shoes as a child.

The grey stone was just as austere as Lucius had always imagined it to be, the cold wind made the handsome blonde shiver and the guards cackled as they saw Lucius appear in his fine silk robes. Since the Dementors had been replaced with human guards, the prison was slightly less dangerous but still as boring, if less fearful for those imprisoned. However, the guards were all poor Wizards, the sort of people Lucius had always made a point in looking down upon in society. For this, they were delighted with their new guest and knew that they could do whatever they wished to the once mighty king of the Wizarding elite.

Standing vulnerably in the middle of a large office waiting to be admitted into the prison was Lucius. He tried his best to keep his mask of impassive disdain towards the guards but his nerves were getting the better of him. In truth he felt more than just apprehension, he was positively terrified. However, he refused to show the filth just how frightened he really was, instead he took to playing with the jewellery that adorned his fingers whilst waiting patiently.

Finally, after over an hour of waiting, Lucius was gruffly called forward by a short, scruffy looking man dressed in the same anonymous uniform as the rest of the prison guards. Tentatively, Lucius walked forwards; still keeping his head as high and proud as was possible, sneering at the guard below him.

"Malfoy, Lucius Abraxas." The guard smirked at Lucius. "Not so high and mighty now are you, Malfoy? The boys will have an absolute field day with a pretty boy like you." The younger rough looking guard cackled.

Lucius' already frayed nerves were reaching the point that they could take no more. "You- you wouldn't do that to me?" He managed to choke out, his usual bored and drawling tones were replaced with a soft voice laced with fear. No longer able to stand tall and still, Lucius was nervously moving from foot to foot looking towards the two other guards who where stood behind him.

Upon seeing Lucius' reaction to the comment he had made, the guard sneered at Lucius "I wouldn't bet your house on it, Malfoy. Now, talking of houses, here is to be your home for the next three and a half years. I say they should have made it life. You have been assigned to a solitary cell and have been permitted to wear your own clothes. Heaven knows why, apparently the powers that be reckon you're not a dangerous criminal, just a filthy coward. Which brings us swiftly onto my next point. You will have meals in the main hall with the others, no special treatment and you'll take a communal shower each morning with the other dirty little criminals. Is that understood?"

"Yes." Lucius replied weakly, almost inaudible and for the first time Lucius looked towards the floor, humiliated. The panic that had set in was not about to ebb, as he felt his empty stomach churning, Lucius couldn't help but wonder if he was going to actually be sick for a moment. Not only was the nausea so strong, there was also an urgent need to empty his bladder; something he was unsure whether or not to put purely down to nerves. He had not been permitted to leave the confines of a very small room, almost a cupboard for what seemed like hours before he was brought here. "May I be excused for a moment to use the bathroom?" Lucius was still looking towards the floor as he spoke, not daring to bring his eyes to look at the sneering guard in front of him.

The rough looking guard smirked at Lucius and decided to humiliate the aristocrat further, speaking in a mocking well spoken voice, the guard denied Lucius' request. "You may 'go to the bathroom' when you get to your cell. Try your best not to make a puddle on the floor in the meantime, Lord Malfoy."

At this latest exchange Lucius looked up towards the guard and scowled, he realised that the man was just trying to humiliate him further. However, he did not respond to the man as he was too busy trying his upmost not to let his hands shake with the very real fear that he was feeling. Without warning he was roughly dragged into another room and was searched to make sure he was not hiding anything. Luckily, the guards were satisfied quickly and paraded the now disgraced Mr. Malfoy through the prison. Jeers and shouting met him and some of the Wizard's even threatened to sexually assault him. By now, Lucius didn't care for the fact he was visibly shaking.

After what seemed an eternity of being paraded in front of the other prisoners, Lucius was finally thrown into his cell with one of the guards looking into his pale grey eyes that were now swimming with tears. "You need to toughen up, there's no such thing as the aristocracy here, Malfoy." Were the last words that Lucius heard as the guards walked away, leaving him alone to face what had become of the next three and a half years of his life. For the first time since his trial; Lucius silently cried.


	2. The First Entry

The following day, Lucius was ordered to the main hall to eat breakfast. Eating anything was the last thing on his mind; he was feeling terribly homesick and knew that the nightmares that had haunted his sleep were only going to stay. The bed had been hard and the sheets a cause grade of cotton that rubbed against his flawless skin.

Sending Lucius to the Department of Mysteries had been a punishment in itself, he had always managed to stay out of the actual raids. Taking the lead had meant planning and delegating, not actually taking part. However, since the Dark Lord's return it seemed as if the man had succumbed to absolute madness. Lucius feared greatly for Draco and Narcissa.

He didn't fail to see the other prisoners practically leering at him nor did he fail to hear the comments they were making and yet Lucius walked into the hall with as much confidence as one could muster in such a situation. He held his head high and sneered at the petty criminals below him, that was until he noticed someone that he had gone to Hogwarts with. Andrew Thomas.

Thomas was a tall and muscular man with dark shoulder length hair, not too dissimilar to Severus Snape's and piercing bright blue eyes. He was a Half-Blood Wizard with an unhealthy taste for blood. Lucius had lorded over him during their Hogwart's days when he was a prefect and Thomas was a forth year Hufflepuff student.

"Well, well, well if it isn't the great Lucius Malfoy." Thomas proceeded to walk towards Lucius sending the formerly bustling hall into silence. Thomas proceeded to poke Lucius hard in the chest. "I'd watch your back if I were you, Malfoy. There's nobody prepared to be your little minion in here. Mind you, I believe there is practically a war going on to see whose bitch you're going to be." Thomas smirked mocking Lucius' own mannerisms, before turning to the other inmates and revelling in their laughter.

Lucius managed to keep some composure, unlike when he was facing the guards. Many of the inmates were nothing but animals and animals could be trained. Managing to keep the sneer plastered on his face, Lucius responded "Thank you for the kind sentiment but as I'm sure you know, I'm nobody's bitch as you so eloquently put it."

At that moment the whole hall exploded. Not only did the guards want to degrade Lucius, the inmates wanted to humiliate him as well. They wanted the aristocrat that had always looked down on people like themselves to be on his knees begging them to be merciful. Three of the prisoners nearest to Lucius roughly grabbed his robes and shoved him up against the wall. Lucius hardly even saw it happening before he noticed he was backed in to the wall and some ugly bald man was peering down at Lucius with his hands around Lucius' neck, as if ready to strangle him. "You're going to wish that you were never even born, Malfoy."

Upon seeing that Lucius had been suitably threatened one of the guards whom had saw him yesterday stepped forwards and tapped the bald man on his shoulder " , that's enough, get back to your breakfast." The skinny guard was pointing his wand at 's chest as the bald man stepped away from Lucius turning back to the blonde, only to say "You have been warned."

The rest of breakfast passed uneventfully, with Lucius sitting down to eat with a table of inmates that looked a little less threatening, even if they weren't exactly welcoming. Forcing himself to eat a little of the food which was not nearly as bad as Lucius had imagined, he set about painting his mask of haughty disdain even though inside he wanted to do nothing more than hide.

After breakfast had finished, Lucius was called into the office in which he had faced the guards yesterday. They demanded to know his skills so they could set him to work with the other inmates. "No, I don't know how to do any of that. Where I come from laundry, cooking and cleaning is servants work." Lucius sneered at the guards stood in front of him. Eventually, after considering that training Lucius in so called servants work, would be a complete waste of energy they agreed to set him to work in the library.

Little did Lucius know, the prison library would become a sanctuary for his tortured body and mind. The first day was easy for him, as he had spent many years correctly cataloguing the Malfoy families library and he proved himself an asset to the other workers. One of them even spoke politely to him; it was a start if nothing else. At the end of the working day, Lucius turned towards the older grey haired man that he'd managed to speak to and asked if he could take some parchment, a quill and a bottle of ink from the library. The older man had gave Lucius permission and told him that the guards should have offered Lucius such supplies to write letters with.

That dinner had been a little more manageable with Lucius sitting with a table of older men who had been in Azkaban for a while, they weren't violent; one was a convicted fraudster, the others were Dark Wizard's with a penchant for sending poison items to Muggles. Of course, the more vocal inmates once again leered at the aristocratic blonde. However, with a few people to speak to Lucius' stomach had managed to stop churning and the waves of nausea had passed.

Upon returning to his cell, Lucius began to write to his wife and son, pouring his heart out over the letters. After reading them back, he decided it prudent not to alarm his family and instead wrote 'Friday 25th July, 1996' on the top of the parchment. This would form the first entry into his prison diary. It read:

"I don't know how I am going to survive the horrors of this harsh wilderness. It's appallingly horrendous, there are men whom seem to want revenge. Revenge for my accident of birth, the fact that I was born into the upper echelons of society and they were not. I have seen some of them before and they are not kind. Today, I was given the task of cataloguing the prison library, it is a thankless task and many of the inmates think I have gotten away lightly. The job is not so bad and I managed to find someone to talk to, a 91 year old fraudster called Cornelius. How apt.

Since I have arrived here my nerves have been so frayed, I have cried and trembled in absolute fear of what may happen to me, there is even talk of inmates sexually assaulting me and I've no idea whether what they said is true or not. I would not be surprised to find out that there words were not just idle threats.

My cell is grey and my bed is the most uncomfortable bed I have ever slept in; it will play havoc with my neck. I'm not cut out for this wretched place. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that soon I will be back home. Today, I prayed for the first time since I was a little boy, I prayed to God that nobody would hurt my family and that I would be able to survive this hell."

After putting his quill to one side, Lucius could hear the other prisoners shouting, many were again talking about him and it was then he realised he would not emerge from this experience the same man.


	3. The Evil Within These Walls

When Lucius awoke early, suffering another terrible nightmare involving what the Dark Lord may do to Draco for his own failure, he understood why his own father had practically begged a young Lucius not to get involved with politics, especially not to get involved with the Pureblood movement. Abraxas Malfoy's booming voice was reverberating around Lucius' head. "You are above this, Lucius. You are above running around duelling with idiots like Potter and Tonks." In his state of youthful arrogance, Lucius had announced his father as being jealous of him and sneered as Abraxas recited the Lord's Prayer before bedtime each night.

Now, in the confines of an Azkaban prison cell, Lucius started to understand his own father's actions and he started to understand the meaning behind the prayer that his father had said each night, on his knees, hands clasped together. Curled up in the hard prison bed, Lucius clasped his hands together after gently touching his wedding band and he recited the words to God. "Dear Our Father, which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on Earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory. For ever and ever. My Lord please protect my family, please. Amen." By the end, Lucius was sobbing. If truth be known he hadn't held any faith in God, not until he had no choice. In begging the higher power to keep his family safe, Lucius vowed to himself that he would pray every evening, just like his own father once did. Perhaps, if he did that, he could be redeemed.

Sleeping was very difficult and despite trying, Lucius found he could not get back to sleep so instead, he got out of bed and started to dress himself. Already the crisp white shirt he had been wearing had started to look grubby and like it needed a wash. Never before had Lucius looked so dishevelled. His long blonde hair had started to lose a little of it's lustrous shine and stubble had began to appear on his face. Still there was not a lot which could be done about his appearance until shower time; something that he was now dreading due to the comments the other inmates had made about his physical appearance.

Luckily, Lucius was in the first wave of inmates called to the communal showers. He had not been grouped together with Thomas or his friends. However, there was one man who was looking Lucius up and down. Haughtily Lucius stared back at the man in question "Don't get any ideas, I'm one hundred percent faithful to my wife." He sneered at the younger man who seemed to have ideas far above his station. However, Lucius was about to find out that neither words or a statement of ones sexuality was going to stop some of the gay prisoners intent on sullying Lucius' previously untouched body.

Before he realised what was happening, the younger blonde had Lucius pinned against the wall forcing him to kiss him before proceeding to stick his right index finger into Lucius' mouth. The younger man smirked at Lucius "I'm sure you can guess what you'll be sucking next time, Malfoy and don't worry, I won't tell your wife." Laughing the younger man left Lucius to wash his hair and shave the stubble from his face. Thinking of the man's actions Lucius couldn't help but once again let his nerves get the better of him. This time he actually gagged before trying to calm his churning stomach before breakfast.

Fortunately, the rest of the day went by without too much more hassle and Lucius found the fraudster Cornelius, whom he was working with was actually quite intellectual. Their day spend working was actually blissful compared to events earlier and he confided in the older man. Asking if some of these men really were capable of sexually assaulting another inmate and if the guards would intervene. The older man was brutally honest when he told Lucius to be careful because there were men taking bets as to who would be the first to take Lucius' virginity. Apparently a man of Lucius' standing was rich pickings and not all of the men who committed such acts were actually gay. Many did it for the perceived power over their victim.

"I'll watch out for you but Lucius, I can't promise to help you. As far as the other inmates are concerned I cannot influence them." Cornelius had gently squeezed Lucius' shoulder as he spoke to the younger man.

Upon feeling another's touch, Lucius had involuntary flinched. All along he had thought himself to be stronger than this, to be able to control any situation thrown at him. However, now he realised he had lived off his name and from idle threats. People in the outside world were scared of Lucius Malfoy not because he had given them reason to be but because he cut an imposing figure and was head of the Malfoy family. In here, a name meant nothing and without his wand, Lucius knew that he was practically defenceless. Never had he been a physical sort of man, he'd always been an intellectual, a thinker.

None of the other Death Eaters had been confined to this end of the prison, they were all in the High Security wing in absolute solitary confinement. Lucius had not been considered that dangerous, after all, for all intents and purposes breaking into the Department of Mysteries had been his first offense and nobody could be persecuted for their political leanings. His solicitor had taken care of that.

By that evening Lucius was unable to contain his fear for any longer and started to pour his heart out to the home made diary once more.

'Saturday 27th July, 1996.

Dear Diary,

You are all I have to help me keep track of time in here. To help me keep track of the date, every day that passes is a day closer to freedom. Only it cannot come soon enough lest I emerge a broken man. I will never forget the comfort you bring, nor will I neglect you when I'm out of this wretched place. I pray my body will remain unsullied by the barbarians that reside within these very walls and I pray that God will keep my beloved family safe from the dangers on both sides.

I do not have the strength to rise to through the invisible ranks of Azkaban prison. One of the guards told me that there was no such thing as the aristocracy within these four walls. He was right in the terms he meant it and yet he was wrong. There is a twisted aristocracy, not built on class but built on fear. Survival of the fittest, so to speak. Why these men have an interest in assaulting me is currently unknown but I have a suspicion it is to do with my name or perhaps they just find me that irresistible.

My father was right and now I cannot tell him so. I cannot apologise for my behaviour over the years and ask for my forgiveness, even though I know he'd forgive me for everything. So will my wife. Although I am not sure about Draco. My only child, is out there without my protection and that is all my fault. I have been a terrible son, a terrible husband and now a terrible father all because I put myself before the others in my life.'

By now the parchment was stained with tears, not ever before had Lucius cried so much in his entire life.


End file.
